June and July are going to be more or less business as usual, but come August I am unfortunately going to have a bit less time on my hands.
Don’t despair, I’m not going to vanish, but I will have more limited availability. I’ll be advertising the days when I’ll be around well in advance, starting with August (so you can’t say I didn’t warn you … that’s two whole months to prepare!)
My August availability will be the 24th until the 31st. If you’d like to nab one of the spots in my diary for that week, get in touch, and we’ll work something out.
I’ll be in Glasgow for a few days later this month. I’ll be busy much of the time, if we’re lucky our paths could cross! Drop me a line if you’ve been waiting for your chance to see me.
This year, unusually, I’ll be in town for Christmas, and keen to spread a little Christmas cheer.
If you feel like joining me for a mince pie, something mulled, and a few hours of making it a Christmas to remember, you’ll find my seasonal rates below.
We probably won’t need to huddle together for warmth, but we can anyway, if you like.
Pictures are lovely, but they are rather … static. If you appreciate a more dynamic, real-time impression, you may enjoy this little morsel!
Have a look at my first attempt at starring in a motion picture:
It can be hard to relax into sex. You want to enjoy yourself, you want the other person (or people!) to enjoy it too, and you can end up juggling a lot of different anxieties about what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and whether your body is going to cooperate.
I always think that relaxing starts with admitting that you’re nervous because at least then you don’t have the extra pressure of having to pretend that you aren’t.
If the core problem is getting or keeping an erection, there are a few things you can try.
Some people find pills helpful. You can get herbal varieties that won’t require a trip to the doctor. Some people swear by them, others don’t find them especially useful. If you think there’s something going on with your health, it can be worth speaking to a doctor, just in case.
But, more often than not, it’s psychological.
My top tip for someone with the occasional difficulty is to try and notice when you start to get too ‘in your head’. Are you thinking more about whether you’re going a little bit soft than focusing on what’s actually happening?
You’ll lose the connection with your body more and more that way. It can be difficult to do, but try and refocus your attention onto what is happening. Does it feel nice? If so, try and put other thoughts to one side for a moment, and really feel the sensations.
This can sometimes be enough to let you get back into the moment. If it doesn’t feel nice – say something! It’s understandable to be shy about this stuff in the culture we live in, but I promise you, it’s worthwhile.
Some phrases to try:
“I prefer it a little bit more gentle/focused on this area/without the vigorous biting.”
“I liked it earlier when you were [insert what you’d rather be doing here. No pun intended.]”
“Can I show you how I like being touched?” (this has the added bonus of leading to an extremely hot demonstration.)
If you’ve tried refocusing your attention, and boosted your communication skills by bravely helping your lover stimulate you just right, but the problem seems to keep cropping up (or failing to), then I really recommend reframing sex with different expectations. I’ve found that it works because it takes the pressure off.
Managing to do penetrative sex can become the ‘be-all-and-end-all’ and if it can’t happen then the whole thing somehow seems like a failure. This way of thinking about things is a great way to make sure you don’t enjoy yourself. Penetration is nice, lots of people enjoy it a great deal, but there are other ways to enjoy each other – so start there.
If someone’s having issues with erections, sometimes I sometimes make an agreement with them that we’re going to assume they probably won’t get hard this time, and that’s okay. We also agree that we’re not going to whip out a condom and attempt sex the moment there is an erection (because it’s bound to vanish if you try that, trust me. Goodbye, erection, we hardly knew ye.)
We decide penetration isn’t going to be the focus of things, or the main goal, and we’ll see what kind of pleasures we can enjoy together and how it goes. Strangely enough, when you take the pressure off like that, things often become more enjoyable, and the body tends to respond more naturally because you’re not focusing so intensely on your own performance.
And once you’ve managed to relax a little bit, a couple of times, there’s a certain confidence that comes with it. It’s not such a big deal any more. Hard-ons aren’t so hard anymore when it doesn’t feel like the end of the world if you can’t get one.
You’ve been googling for weeks now, you’ve read reviews, and you’ve thought it over. You’ve skimmed the provider’s website cover-to-cover, perused their gallery, checked their rates, looked over their likes, perused their gallery, scanned their FAQ, cast an eye over their blog, perused their gallery, made a note of their contact details, thought about what you’d like to do during your session … and then you perused the gallery, just once more, for good measure.
Or maybe you’ve only this moment landed on their website, glanced at their gallery and paused just long enough to dial their number or click their email address. Either way, you’re about to reach out and make an enquiry. You might not have realised yet, but you’re also about to be screened. You’ll want to make a good impression here, and ideally cultivate mutual respect.
These days, a lot of providers like to get their enquires by email. A colleague recently noted that clients who send her a polite email in order to book a day or two in advance are often reliable and respectful. That isn’t to say that those who book over the phone or on the day of the appointment aren’t nice people. They can be wonderful. But sometimes those who’ve taken the time to put their desires down in words have a better idea of what they want, and feel more committed to the session.
If you’re emailing a provider, here’s how to look like you’re the kind of client they want to hear from:
1. Make sure you have read their website. It’s unlikely to be that time-consuming, and if you’re really interested in this particular provider, it should be fun!
2. If you’re asking for something they don’t list, or something you think is unusual or taboo, show an awareness of how the request might look to the provider if it’s the first time they’ve encountered it. “I know it’s a bit unusual, but I wondered if you might let me hang upside down from a chair and thrust my crotch into a custard pie. Obviously we could discuss how to minimise mess and who’s providing the pie.” is much more likely to elicit a positive response of some kind than simply listing a series of demands as if the provider is obliged to fulfil them.
3. Include your name, and some kind of introduction. “My name is Dave and I’m in my late forties. I found your site/saw your newspaper advertisement/caught a carrier pigeon eating my lunch with your details attached.” is useful and informative.
4. Brief details about your availability and the session you’re after are also very useful. A novella-length fantasy tends to look like wank material, and imposes on the provider’s valuable time. A good example might be: “I’m really into school or office roleplay, for this session I might like you to be my overbearing and sadistic boss. I love being verbally humiliated, and I like spanking, the harder the better. I also like caning, although I don’t like it too hard and definitely don’t want to be marked. I’d also be interested in a bit of cock-and-ball torture, but could we discuss this when I arrive as I’m unsure how far I want to go with it? I’m free on Tuesday and Wednesday after 3, if you have any time on those days?”
5. The hallmarks of a time waster are notoriously easy to spot and often involve an overly detailed email that’s more pornographic than informative or the promise of becoming a regular before you’ve met for the first time (how presumptuous of you to assume the provider will want to see you again!). Demonstrating that you’ve failed to read the provider’s information will damage your prospects, as will asking endless (especially open-ended) questions, or being overly proscriptive about what the session should involve, or how the provider should dress. Saying ‘I see you do school role-play, can you dress for that?’ is fine, whereas ‘I want you in a red tartan skirt, with white lacy knickers, no bra, a magenta wig and no make-up’ is not ideal.
6. Don’t boast or otherwise infer that you’re doing the provider a favour by coming to see them. It’s not endearing, and they will roll their eyes and send your email straight to spam, where you’ll spend all eternity with only ‘you’ve won $10,000 worth of enlarge your penis now ipad coupon surveys!’ for company.
7. If you have particular requirements, any disabilities or health concerns, or this is your first time, it’s quite alright to say so. Your provider can only work with the information available to them. If you’re really worried about how your enquiry will be received, seek out an understanding provider who welcomes nervous clients.
If you’re calling instead:
1. Say hello, and introduce yourself. This seems simple, but you’d be shocked at how often a provider picks up the phone to find someone on the other end saying ‘Are you free?’ (“No, dear, please see my rates page.”)
2. Check you’ve gotten through to the right person! “I’ve seen your website and wanted to enquire about an appointment” is fairly innocuous, and you can backtrack and claim you thought you were through to ‘Accountants ‘r’ us’ if you’re not speaking to the right person!
3. Listen to what the provider is saying. If they ask you a question and you change the subject instead of answering, you won’t be making a good impression.
4. If you try to steer the conversation towards describing the session-to-come, the provider will likely be unimpressed. Respectful clients don’t expect the provider to titillate them over the phone before an appointment.
The take-away message here is that politeness and respect goes a long way! Providers get a lot of emails and phone calls. With a little thought, you can make it easy for them to decide they’d like to see you and get straight to arranging your time together. Now go peruse the gallery again.
Lately, I have accidentally (but most fortuitously) become popular with couples looking to branch out and enjoy new experiences. I could try and explain how happy this has made me, but it would be awfully close to bragging, and I’m not sure I could do it justice anyway. Suffice to say, if you are a lovely couple and you would like to engage a lady for a threesome, I’m batting my eyelashes at you right now.
I frequently receive messages from men (some of them young, but many of them in their thirties and forties or beyond) who are really worried about their lack of experience when it comes to sex. I maintain that we are all much more than the notches on our bedposts, but I do understand that in a society that tells men that they ought to be having as much sex as possible (and not just having sex but doing so with tremendous vigour and innate skill), the idea that other people are having more sex, and doing it better than you, can seem rather disheartening.
Many of those who approach me are worried that I’ll be hesitant to see them, but I’ve often found that those who visit me in pursuit of new confidence and intimate knowledge are impressively respectful and attentive. If there were such a thing as a recipe for a good lover, those might be my first two ingredients. If you can start out with those, and then add a genuine desire to find out what gives your partner pleasure, great sexual experiences are possible. Great sex naturally begets even greater sex (and then that begets ohmygiddygoodnessmoreplease sex, if we’re getting technical about it.)
Sex isn’t a race, and you don’t have to start by a certain age (it’s not gymnastics, after all). You can have (and share) great experiences even if you consider yourself something of a late bloomer (and it may even be an advantage). You can’t learn sex, because each and every time will be different, but you probably already have the skills you need to be a great lover. If you’re worried, you can take the time to practice communicating with a partner, try out ways of asking for what you want till you find the ones you’re comfortable with, and learn that to ask “so what would you like to do?” is not a confession of inexperience — it’s an acknowledgement that every partner is different, and that even the same partner may like different things on different days. You can practice playfulness and learn to relax and enjoy yourself, and in doing so, probably come to realise that anyone worth having sex with isn’t thinking about how much sexual experience you have — they’re too busy enjoying the ridiculously fun sex you’re having right now.
Coming soon! Hurrah.
You’ll want to be sitting down. Or at least holding something over your lap to artfully conceal any disturbances in the force.
You can read it here.
I have of late been incredibly busy with new projects and undertakings. If you’re having trouble getting an appointment with me, do consider checking out my friends — they’re a lovely bunch!
A really lovely and very kind review has appeared on Punternet, just in case anyone would like to peruse it!
I shall be gracing Glasgow with my presence from the 5th until the 10th, primarily for reasons other than work, but if you’d like me to pencil you in for a delicious little tête-à-tête, do let me know, and we’ll see if we can make it happen.
I’ve had two field reports in recent months and have for some reason hidden my light under a bushel and failed to strut around wearing them on my head. So here I am.
In other exciting new, my website is being redesigned and I’m probably going to redo the content as well, so if things are vanishing and reappearing, don’t be too concerned. I’m going to try and make it easier to find the most important bits. I might also hide breasts in the background*.
*I won’t really. There are enough breasts to be had on this website.
… Or perhaps lack thereof?
I’m away until the 4th, my dears. We’ll catch up soon.
My phone will be turned off but email is always a good way to get in touch. Drop me a line now and expect a reply some time in January.
I will be away from now until the 15th. Please send all letters of longing and desire to email@example.com …
My dear friend has decided to take the plunge. You can have a gander at her adultwork profile here:
Am going to be taking this week off to attend to a few things, I shall return refreshed on the 6th August. See you then!
Have decided to keep the new number, as it’s turning out to be simpler. I have a busy schedule of drinking coffee and inserting objects experimentally into my body to keep up with. You’re a clever bunch, so I’m sure most of you will figure out how to get in touch (and if you can’t, then we may not be a good match anyway!).
The new number is: 07803523272
Here’s a photo (unairbrushed!) to comfort those of you who struggle with change:
Knicker pics on twitter!
follow me on twitter?
I’ve never used twitter before. I’m really struggling to condense myself. Come watch this train-wreck.
My usual number is completely out of action, so please temporarily contact me on: 07803523272!
Okay, estimated return date is now Monday 18th. I am going to be climbing the walls by the weekend, I guarantee it!
I am going to be unavailable until Thursday 14th June. Apologies for any inconvenience.
A new field report can be found on the homepage (PN report #5). The champagne-cork moment nearly split my sides.
I’ll be returning to webcamming this week!
And I’m trying my hand at Swedish massage — more on this as the story develops. And now for the weather …
I write this surrounded by suitcases, a veritable fort of books, and an array of clothing (mainly skirts and blouses, but a French Maid’s outfit is peeking out cheekily from under one of the suitcase lids, and a stack of lacy bras has taken up residence in a corner). Moving was rather funny — a couple of friends who don’t know what I do for a living were helping, so I had to pre-emptively pack up anything incriminating into boxes and cellotape the boxes closed (I’m imagining the conversation “Oh-er, sorry, I’ll just pick that up. I’ve dropped your box of … um, sex toys and hundreds of condoms in different sizes and flavours?”
I’m very happy with the new flat. It’s beautifully put together. Unfortunately it’s a bit high-tech (I thought I was good with technology … I was wrong!) and I spent the first night fiddling with what I assumed was the thermostat in the bathroom, only to jump out of my skin when the bathroom floor began heating up under my feet (‘What is this witchcraft?!’).
Luckily my maximum security boxes didn’t attract too much curiosity and have made it safely across London. From next week (once I’ve got the boudoir — I love calling it that — sorted and set up) I will be taking an incall or two during the day (10am – 6pm) in my Clapham Junction pad.
Ciao for now, Bambinos.