June and July are going to be more or less business as usual, but come August I am unfortunately going to have a bit less time on my hands.
Don’t despair, I’m not going to vanish, but I will have more limited availability. I’ll be advertising the days when I’ll be around well in advance, starting with August (so you can’t say I didn’t warn you … that’s two whole months to prepare!)
My August availability will be the 24th until the 31st. If you’d like to nab one of the spots in my diary for that week, get in touch, and we’ll work something out.
I’ll be in Glasgow for a few days later this month. I’ll be busy much of the time, if we’re lucky our paths could cross! Drop me a line if you’ve been waiting for your chance to see me.
I never miss an opportunity to bring two of my favourite topics together (or two of my favourite friends, for that matter!), so let’s talk safer sex and threesomes. I love the relaxed feeling that comes with having the bases covered – and the potential for spontaneity and passion is always helped along when everyone knows which way is up (I don’t need to tell you which way is down, I believe in you ;))
There are a few extra considerations when there are a few extra hands (and other things besides) involved:
– Your hands may want to wander and explore. That’s great. The main thing to be mindful of is where they’ve been and where they’re going next! Any fingers that have been inside one person shouldn’t go inside a different person unless they’ve been washed or covered with a condom (you can also try giving each person their very own dedicated hand, if you’re feeling decadent.)
– People’s insides have a very unique biome (we’re getting nerdy here, but bear with me!) and mixing the two up can mean some very unsexy discomfort later. We want to be basking in the ultra-hot memories of the menage-a-trois in the days afterwards, not heading to the nurse’s office, so a little thoughtfulness will go a very long way.
– You probably already know that it’s super important not to have any cross-over between fingers that have been used for anal play and fingers that are going into other areas, but it bears repeating! The same rules as above apply.
– You might well find yourself experiencing the delight that is having sex with one lady and then another in quick succession. Lucky thing. In that case, there are two options for safe sex. One is to change the condom when it’s the other person’s turn to have fun. The other is for both ladies to use ‘femidoms’ instead, which will ensure that everyone’s protected without having to do any quick-fire changes in the middle of the action. Femidoms, for the uninitiated, are safe, latex-free, and – just like condoms -easy to use with a little bit of practice.
– Toys, just like fingers and cocks, should have a new condom on them before they go inside a different person.
Safe, sexy and seriously good fun. Enjoy!
This year, unusually, I’ll be in town for Christmas, and keen to spread a little Christmas cheer.
If you feel like joining me for a mince pie, something mulled, and a few hours of making it a Christmas to remember, you’ll find my seasonal rates below.
We probably won’t need to huddle together for warmth, but we can anyway, if you like.
Pictures are lovely, but they are rather … static. If you appreciate a more dynamic, real-time impression, you may enjoy this little morsel!
Have a look at my first attempt at starring in a motion picture:
Sometimes it can be nerve-wracking visiting a lady, whether it’s your first time or your hundredth (do you get a little gold lapel badge at that point? I’m not sure.) You might be wondering how you can make the best possible impression, and improve the chances that you’ll hit it off and part at the door longingly afterwards.
So here are some general pointers!
Arrive clean and groomed (think about scratchy stubble, rough nails and so on … your fresh breath is also appreciated!). The lady you’re seeing will certainly be making an effort for you, so it’s lovely if you can do the same. I have a great power shower at my apartment (an alarming number of my reviews spend longer describing the shower than they do me …) and I will provide you with a fluffy towel and some mouthwash upon arrival. If you’ve showered immediately before coming over (some people like to hit the gym beforehand … each to their own, I suppose) then that’s fine, but most ladies will be endlessly grateful and considerably more cuddly if you’re squeaky clean. A few minutes in the shower is also very helpful for nerves, and will warm up cold hands and give your lady friend a moment to fetch drinks and maybe even make a quick call to a safety buddy to say you’ve arrived and you seem lovely.
Be sure to read someone’s information carefully, and ask if you’re unsure. Asking a lady for a service she doesn’t enjoy can put her in a very awkward position, and it can really spoil the mood if it’s phrased as more of a demand than a request! “Do you ever like to …?” is a good way to check in during the session, and opens up space for a discussion about things. If she doesn’t like something, please don’t try to convince her. It’s not polite.
Requests for information and other procedures should be seen in the right light: you should both feel happy and safe in all your interactions. Different ladies will have different requirements. Rest assured that very few people are interested in taking your details for nefarious reasons, it’s solely for safety. For an outcall, I ask for your full name, a booking reference for your hotel, and I’ll need to know what order you think jam or cream go on a scone (I’m only kidding about the last bit, I wouldn’t dream of such discriminatory practices.)
Money matters are taken care of straight away so everyone start having fun. Cash is the only form of payment accepted in most cases. Some ladies will ask for a deposit, and willingness to pay this tells them you’re as genuine as they come and probably won’t cancel at the last minute unless you fall down a rabbit hole.
If you’re going to cancel, try and give lots of notice. It’s hard not to feel frustrated if you have someone cancel when you had to politely decline another request for exactly the same time slot. If you cancel on the day of your appointment, it’s worthwhile offering a cancellation payment of some kind, especially if you hope to have a booking with that lady in future. Even a small amount will show you’ve taken the time to think about it.
So now that you’ve got some knowledge under your belt, you’ll hopefully feel more confident. When in doubt, ask the lady you’re seeing – she’s the expert, after all.
It can be hard to relax into sex. You want to enjoy yourself, you want the other person (or people!) to enjoy it too, and you can end up juggling a lot of different anxieties about what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and whether your body is going to cooperate.
I always think that relaxing starts with admitting that you’re nervous because at least then you don’t have the extra pressure of having to pretend that you aren’t.
If the core problem is getting or keeping an erection, there are a few things you can try.
Some people find pills helpful. You can get herbal varieties that won’t require a trip to the doctor. Some people swear by them, others don’t find them especially useful. If you think there’s something going on with your health, it can be worth speaking to a doctor, just in case.
But, more often than not, it’s psychological.
My top tip for someone with the occasional difficulty is to try and notice when you start to get too ‘in your head’. Are you thinking more about whether you’re going a little bit soft than focusing on what’s actually happening?
You’ll lose the connection with your body more and more that way. It can be difficult to do, but try and refocus your attention onto what is happening. Does it feel nice? If so, try and put other thoughts to one side for a moment, and really feel the sensations.
This can sometimes be enough to let you get back into the moment. If it doesn’t feel nice – say something! It’s understandable to be shy about this stuff in the culture we live in, but I promise you, it’s worthwhile.
Some phrases to try:
“I prefer it a little bit more gentle/focused on this area/without the vigorous biting.”
“I liked it earlier when you were [insert what you’d rather be doing here. No pun intended.]”
“Can I show you how I like being touched?” (this has the added bonus of leading to an extremely hot demonstration.)
If you’ve tried refocusing your attention, and boosted your communication skills by bravely helping your lover stimulate you just right, but the problem seems to keep cropping up (or failing to), then I really recommend reframing sex with different expectations. I’ve found that it works because it takes the pressure off.
Managing to do penetrative sex can become the ‘be-all-and-end-all’ and if it can’t happen then the whole thing somehow seems like a failure. This way of thinking about things is a great way to make sure you don’t enjoy yourself. Penetration is nice, lots of people enjoy it a great deal, but there are other ways to enjoy each other – so start there.
If someone’s having issues with erections, sometimes I sometimes make an agreement with them that we’re going to assume they probably won’t get hard this time, and that’s okay. We also agree that we’re not going to whip out a condom and attempt sex the moment there is an erection (because it’s bound to vanish if you try that, trust me. Goodbye, erection, we hardly knew ye.)
We decide penetration isn’t going to be the focus of things, or the main goal, and we’ll see what kind of pleasures we can enjoy together and how it goes. Strangely enough, when you take the pressure off like that, things often become more enjoyable, and the body tends to respond more naturally because you’re not focusing so intensely on your own performance.
And once you’ve managed to relax a little bit, a couple of times, there’s a certain confidence that comes with it. It’s not such a big deal any more. Hard-ons aren’t so hard anymore when it doesn’t feel like the end of the world if you can’t get one.
You’ve been googling for weeks now, you’ve read reviews, and you’ve thought it over. You’ve skimmed the provider’s website cover-to-cover, perused their gallery, checked their rates, looked over their likes, perused their gallery, scanned their FAQ, cast an eye over their blog, perused their gallery, made a note of their contact details, thought about what you’d like to do during your session … and then you perused the gallery, just once more, for good measure.
Or maybe you’ve only this moment landed on their website, glanced at their gallery and paused just long enough to dial their number or click their email address. Either way, you’re about to reach out and make an enquiry. You might not have realised yet, but you’re also about to be screened. You’ll want to make a good impression here, and ideally cultivate mutual respect.
These days, a lot of providers like to get their enquires by email. A colleague recently noted that clients who send her a polite email in order to book a day or two in advance are often reliable and respectful. That isn’t to say that those who book over the phone or on the day of the appointment aren’t nice people. They can be wonderful. But sometimes those who’ve taken the time to put their desires down in words have a better idea of what they want, and feel more committed to the session.
If you’re emailing a provider, here’s how to look like you’re the kind of client they want to hear from:
1. Make sure you have read their website. It’s unlikely to be that time-consuming, and if you’re really interested in this particular provider, it should be fun!
2. If you’re asking for something they don’t list, or something you think is unusual or taboo, show an awareness of how the request might look to the provider if it’s the first time they’ve encountered it. “I know it’s a bit unusual, but I wondered if you might let me hang upside down from a chair and thrust my crotch into a custard pie. Obviously we could discuss how to minimise mess and who’s providing the pie.” is much more likely to elicit a positive response of some kind than simply listing a series of demands as if the provider is obliged to fulfil them.
3. Include your name, and some kind of introduction. “My name is Dave and I’m in my late forties. I found your site/saw your newspaper advertisement/caught a carrier pigeon eating my lunch with your details attached.” is useful and informative.
4. Brief details about your availability and the session you’re after are also very useful. A novella-length fantasy tends to look like wank material, and imposes on the provider’s valuable time. A good example might be: “I’m really into school or office roleplay, for this session I might like you to be my overbearing and sadistic boss. I love being verbally humiliated, and I like spanking, the harder the better. I also like caning, although I don’t like it too hard and definitely don’t want to be marked. I’d also be interested in a bit of cock-and-ball torture, but could we discuss this when I arrive as I’m unsure how far I want to go with it? I’m free on Tuesday and Wednesday after 3, if you have any time on those days?”
5. The hallmarks of a time waster are notoriously easy to spot and often involve an overly detailed email that’s more pornographic than informative or the promise of becoming a regular before you’ve met for the first time (how presumptuous of you to assume the provider will want to see you again!). Demonstrating that you’ve failed to read the provider’s information will damage your prospects, as will asking endless (especially open-ended) questions, or being overly proscriptive about what the session should involve, or how the provider should dress. Saying ‘I see you do school role-play, can you dress for that?’ is fine, whereas ‘I want you in a red tartan skirt, with white lacy knickers, no bra, a magenta wig and no make-up’ is not ideal.
6. Don’t boast or otherwise infer that you’re doing the provider a favour by coming to see them. It’s not endearing, and they will roll their eyes and send your email straight to spam, where you’ll spend all eternity with only ‘you’ve won $10,000 worth of enlarge your penis now ipad coupon surveys!’ for company.
7. If you have particular requirements, any disabilities or health concerns, or this is your first time, it’s quite alright to say so. Your provider can only work with the information available to them. If you’re really worried about how your enquiry will be received, seek out an understanding provider who welcomes nervous clients.
If you’re calling instead:
1. Say hello, and introduce yourself. This seems simple, but you’d be shocked at how often a provider picks up the phone to find someone on the other end saying ‘Are you free?’ (“No, dear, please see my rates page.”)
2. Check you’ve gotten through to the right person! “I’ve seen your website and wanted to enquire about an appointment” is fairly innocuous, and you can backtrack and claim you thought you were through to ‘Accountants ‘r’ us’ if you’re not speaking to the right person!
3. Listen to what the provider is saying. If they ask you a question and you change the subject instead of answering, you won’t be making a good impression.
4. If you try to steer the conversation towards describing the session-to-come, the provider will likely be unimpressed. Respectful clients don’t expect the provider to titillate them over the phone before an appointment.
The take-away message here is that politeness and respect goes a long way! Providers get a lot of emails and phone calls. With a little thought, you can make it easy for them to decide they’d like to see you and get straight to arranging your time together. Now go peruse the gallery again.
Lately, I have accidentally (but most fortuitously) become popular with couples looking to branch out and enjoy new experiences. I could try and explain how happy this has made me, but it would be awfully close to bragging, and I’m not sure I could do it justice anyway. Suffice to say, if you are a lovely couple and you would like to engage a lady for a threesome, I’m batting my eyelashes at you right now.
I frequently receive messages from men (some of them young, but many of them in their thirties and forties or beyond) who are really worried about their lack of experience when it comes to sex. I maintain that we are all much more than the notches on our bedposts, but I do understand that in a society that tells men that they ought to be having as much sex as possible (and not just having sex but doing so with tremendous vigour and innate skill), the idea that other people are having more sex, and doing it better than you, can seem rather disheartening.
Many of those who approach me are worried that I’ll be hesitant to see them, but I’ve often found that those who visit me in pursuit of new confidence and intimate knowledge are impressively respectful and attentive. If there were such a thing as a recipe for a good lover, those might be my first two ingredients. If you can start out with those, and then add a genuine desire to find out what gives your partner pleasure, great sexual experiences are possible. Great sex naturally begets even greater sex (and then that begets ohmygiddygoodnessmoreplease sex, if we’re getting technical about it.)
Sex isn’t a race, and you don’t have to start by a certain age (it’s not gymnastics, after all). You can have (and share) great experiences even if you consider yourself something of a late bloomer (and it may even be an advantage). You can’t learn sex, because each and every time will be different, but you probably already have the skills you need to be a great lover. If you’re worried, you can take the time to practice communicating with a partner, try out ways of asking for what you want till you find the ones you’re comfortable with, and learn that to ask “so what would you like to do?” is not a confession of inexperience — it’s an acknowledgement that every partner is different, and that even the same partner may like different things on different days. You can practice playfulness and learn to relax and enjoy yourself, and in doing so, probably come to realise that anyone worth having sex with isn’t thinking about how much sexual experience you have — they’re too busy enjoying the ridiculously fun sex you’re having right now.
Coming soon! Hurrah.
You’ll want to be sitting down. Or at least holding something over your lap to artfully conceal any disturbances in the force.
You can read it here.
I have of late been incredibly busy with new projects and undertakings. If you’re having trouble getting an appointment with me, do consider checking out my friends — they’re a lovely bunch!
A really lovely and very kind review has appeared on Punternet, just in case anyone would like to peruse it!
I shall be gracing Glasgow with my presence from the 5th until the 10th, primarily for reasons other than work, but if you’d like me to pencil you in for a delicious little tête-à-tête, do let me know, and we’ll see if we can make it happen.
I’ve had two field reports in recent months and have for some reason hidden my light under a bushel and failed to strut around wearing them on my head. So here I am.
In other exciting new, my website is being redesigned and I’m probably going to redo the content as well, so if things are vanishing and reappearing, don’t be too concerned. I’m going to try and make it easier to find the most important bits. I might also hide breasts in the background*.
*I won’t really. There are enough breasts to be had on this website.
… Or perhaps lack thereof?
I’m away until the 4th, my dears. We’ll catch up soon.
My phone will be turned off but email is always a good way to get in touch. Drop me a line now and expect a reply some time in January.
I will be away from now until the 15th. Please send all letters of longing and desire to firstname.lastname@example.org …
Times, they are a-changin’.
I am now a part-time lady of negotiable affections!
[Pause for effect]
I know, I know. There-there.
The results are double edged. On the one hand, I’m going to have to charge a bit more for one-hour appointments, on the other, I’m going to be having less sex and my lucky client-of-the-day will probably be rugby-tackled to the ground by a horny Irishwoman the moment the door closes. However, the majority of you will probably not be affected much by the changes because you either:
1. Have seen me two or more times, in which case I must like you (I let you come back, didn’t I?). Since I enjoy your company, my rate will remain the same.
2. You like to stay for longer than an hour, in which case the increase is fairly nominal. I much prefer longer bookings, and I’m glad that most of the lovely people who come to see me do too.
I’ve also made some changes here and there on the site (happy hunting!) and there are lots of new photos coming up soon, promise. Till then, here’s one of me unceremoniously straddling Elsie:
My dear friend has decided to take the plunge. You can have a gander at her adultwork profile here:
I like to think I’m all right at a few different aspects of my job, but I definitely have a few specialities which stand above the rest.
One is that I love newbies and nervous guys, putting them through their paces and proving to them that sex is really very easy and fun. Another is that I appreciate the value of some clever talk before and after (and sometimes during!) the action. I’ve never truly been attracted to anyone who didn’t stimulate me intellectually, and my latest discovery is that I’m not alone in that. Most of my favourite appointments fall into these two camps: either involving teaching and exploring sex with someone seeking a safe-space for sexual development, or enjoying an intimate and connected time with someone looking for an uninhibited and genuine GFE. But lately a third type of appointment is coming up in the inside lane: duos, also known as a ‘two-girl’, a threesome, or a moresome, if you can tempt a few more participants into the bed!
Group sex is a long-standing kink of mine, so it’s unsurprising that I do cartwheels whenever a threesome is suggested (that’s right, literal cartwheels … no, I won’t demonstrate). But it can be tricky to find ladies to work with. Firstly, one wants to be sure that the lady is really and truly into girlsex and happy to play on that count. Next, you have to know that you get along with her, and that you mesh well (no pun intended) in a sexual setting. I’ve had the good fortune to find all of this and more whilst working with the lovely Violet Rose. When she’s in London we’re very much available for threesome antics (I’d strongly advise three Weetabix on the morning of your booking.) She’s a delight, and if you like me, you’ll love her.
In addition to Violet, I have a lovely friend who’s just decided she’d like to dip her toe into the world of sex work. My suggestion (knowing that she’s bisexual and perhaps an even bigger fan of threesomes than I am) was that she join me some day for a duo. She’s a friendly, beautiful American redhead, brand-spanking (ehehe) new to the business and full of enthusiasm. I’ll try and get some pictures of her so you can all have a gawp, but in the meantime, rest assured that’s she’s absurdly attractive. She and I will be available for incalls together during the day with a bit of advance notice (I advise four Weetabix at least, and maybe some of those glucose sachets you see runners imbibing, just in case.)
Am going to be taking this week off to attend to a few things, I shall return refreshed on the 6th August. See you then!
Have decided to keep the new number, as it’s turning out to be simpler. I have a busy schedule of drinking coffee and inserting objects experimentally into my body to keep up with. You’re a clever bunch, so I’m sure most of you will figure out how to get in touch (and if you can’t, then we may not be a good match anyway!).
The new number is: 07803523272
Here’s a photo (unairbrushed!) to comfort those of you who struggle with change:
Knicker pics on twitter!
follow me on twitter?
I’ve never used twitter before. I’m really struggling to condense myself. Come watch this train-wreck.
My usual number is completely out of action, so please temporarily contact me on: 07803523272!